Easier said than done

Coming to revelations about yourself and your life seem to be just the ticket. Like all you needed was the answer to feel relief. Knowing is not enough. You still have to deal with the side-effects.

For someone like me, who has "daddy issues", forgiving your father and letting your anger go is not the end. I do feel I have let my anger go towards my Dad, but there are underlying issues that I will have to deal with until they go away, if they ever do. The only thing I can think to do is recognize and deal with them as they come.

The tricky thing is recognizing and admitting there is an issue there. And how do you trust the new stuff you're learning.

I have always loved to learn. So I always walk around with my student cap on. I keep my mind as open as possible, so I can catch some good stuff. Then there are times when my mind is so narrow and final, I don't know how I even function. That's when I find it best to listen to people around me, also tough to do this. Just as the hope drains from the situation, my student cap re-emerges and I am saved from not understanding and from alienating the people in my life who are trying to help me understand. There are some things and some people I may NEVER understand, I just have to accept this and it is very hard for me to accept something I don't understand. The best way I've found, so far, is reminding myself all the time and energy I spend thinking and talking about what and who I don't understand has not narrowed the gap to understanding, so really, it's best to let it go and invest in something worth while.

Some people do not get saved by their student caps and they end up beating down the people that love them and robbing themselves of good, healthy relationships. They rob themselves of understanding their own feelings and being active in making themselves a better themself. We all can always be better. I think the key is to be a better you in a small way as often as you can. Even if you already have begun to rob yourself or are in the process, you can always stop and start again. Mulligan it up. Don't get hung up on where you are in your life or how old you are. Your life is yours, so give yourself as many chances as you want, you are the boss. You're on YOU time.

I think we are so disappointed in ourselves and our bad choices that we find solace in our failures or the hurdles we can't seem to jump. Like a form of punishing ourselves because we feel undeserving of being happy. So we hide behind our weight, bad grades, not having a job or car, not having a significant other, not being financially stable, being estranged from our families, smoking or drinking more than we should, all to punish ourselves for what everyone else has probably already forgiven us for.

It's time to forgive ourselves and those we feel have done us wrong, jump these hurdles and open the door to our blessings. It's time for me.